Reason 709 why I”m not in a relationship: there’s too much drama!
I just hung up with a friend of mine who called me bawling because her relationship is “on break” while her boyfriend decides whether or not he wants to continue the relationship.
Why? Because she looked through his things, found an homage to his ex girlfriend, and she asked him about it, telling him that it made her feel unimportant. His response was that he felt like she was accusing him of something, and he was tired of her accusing him of things.
Now, I see both sides of the argument: He shouldn’t be keeping loving sentiments about his ex-girlfriend, particularly when he doesn’t have similar collages/pictures/love letters for his current girlfriend, but she shouldn’t be snooping through his stuff.
And for God’s sake! if you snoop, don’t confront him about it when you find something incriminating, or upsetting! If you’re snooping, you are bound to find something upsetting or incriminating. For one thing, if you’re snooping, you are already convinced that something is wrong, and then you will be sure to find something to back up your suspicions.
Furthermore, when a person snoops through their significant other’s private belongings, they are saying, in essence, that the other person’s feelings are completely unimportant. It means that, you don’t feel like they have a right to privacy. Yes, you may be with that person, but it doesn’t mean that you have a right to everything in their lives!
As a couple, you are still two separate individuals. You have separate ideas, separate friends, separate property. And if you don’t have separate lives, to a point, you should. Think about how boring life would be if you shared EVERYTHING with your significant other: No secrets, no surprises, no private moments to vent to your private friends… You would lose yourself!
This is not the first time my friend has snooped on one of her boyfriends. In fact, it’s becoming something of a habit with her. I keep thinking she’ll learn her lesson, but she will snoop, find something to prove her suspicions (as is to be expected), then swear that she won’t say anything about what she found because she knows she’d have to admit to snooping.
Of course, she can never keep the promise of not confronting them. She will dwell on what she found and become angry. Then she’ll tell them how she’s feeling, but by the time she confronts them, it’s become so blown out of proportion that it starts a fight. Then she wonders why they are angry at her…
So, when my friend asked me if she effed up, what did I say? I was a good friend and told her that she had done nothing wrong, but boy did I want to scream, “YES YOU DID!”
Not trusting the person you’re with always leads to effing things up. If you really don’t trust the person you’re dating, as in they’ve given you ample reason to be suspicious, then stop dating them. Don’t lower yourself to snooping.